Why do we care about increasing our social power? Well we all want something. Whatever that something is it can’t be achieved alone. Majority of the things we have were given to us by someone. In order to get what you want, you need to increase your circle of influence. Well how do you influence others? You have to be interesting enough to mesmerize your audience.
In a time where face to face communication is on the decline, it is imperative that we learn to be effective communicators. We must communicate to establish connections and communities with our neighbors. The Generation X, Y, and Z, are disconnected from society in real life but connected on the internet. They have a false sense of society. This is birthed the issues of social anxiety and fear of public speaking. Studies have been conducted that prove people would rather die than speak publicly.
In this blog series I want to talk to you about the 6 degrees of connection, social engineering, leveraging of feelings, connections, influence and many other topics. I took the strategies I’ve been using all my life and turned them into a system I can hopefully teach other people to use. Have you have ever known someone who is naturally, really good at something? One of my favorite guitar players Yngwie Malsteen, is that guy. In a one of his interviews he was asked to explain how he plays so well and fast at the same time. He failed at explaining this then apologized because he simply couldn’t explain how he does something so natural as breathing. If you have ever watched him play then you know what I mean.
I will teach you the tools and skills you need to exercise this framework. To be interesting means to be intriguing, to gain attention. Our goal in this is to not just catch someone’s attention for the moment but to have them thinking about you even after you leave. Everyone wants to be intriguing. They want to also be intrigued; entertained. Do you want to captivate audiences, impress your boss, land that business deal, make new clients, get the rock star husband or the model wife? This blog will teach you how to manipulate your social encounters to your advantage. This guide is directed towards anyone who wants to improve their reputation, deepen relationships, and widen their scope of influence. I want to show you how to build lasting friendships and increase your happiness through engaging interaction. Here are the highlights of what I will go over.
This guide is directed towards anyone who wants to improve their reputation, deepen relationships, and widen their scope of influence. Your outcomes in life are a sum of all the decisions you and others connected to you make. If you can control your actions and influences those actions of others then you can effectively change your destiny. We demand attention, some of us more than others. People are naturally curious. When you first meet someone they will be somewhat interested in you. Your goal is to captivate them right from the get go. People tend to be more interested in someone they can’t figure out. Once they figure out your habits, tendencies, eating preferences etc. things get monotonous and predictable. For instance, in a new relationship you might be obsessed with your new partner. You want to learn their likes, dislikes, political affiliation, religious affiliation, where they like to eat, shop, and play. Once you figure out these things and you all get into a routine – go here for lunch on Wednesdays, and here for breakfast on Saturdays; things start blurring together. You want to delay the time it takes people to figure you out, almost like leaving breadcrumbs. Once they do figure you out, you want to keep your daily life unpredictable and fascinating. It’s possible to maintain while also doing new things weekly.
The most interesting people have layered personalities. You should focus as much on your personality as you do your appearance. If you don’t focus on your appearance much then perhaps find another book to read then come back to this ones. Your personality supports your appearance. The physical features will draw new friends in but the deep conversations will make them stay.
Everyone is different but for some, personality can be easier to change than physical appearance. A habit only takes 21 days to create, even less for younger readers. It is important to work out your brain as well. Stronger brains create stronger and quicker habits, as well as more fruitful conversations. In the words of The Most Interesting man in the World, “ Being boring is a choice”. As an interesting person you will control: what happens in your mind; how you display thoughts in your mind and what impression you instill in the mind of your listeners. Interesting people develop connection based on emotions. Feelings and emotions matter in developing connections. Intimacy and curiosity go hand in hand; they develop interest. The more intimate a relationship is with someone the more interested they are in you. When I say intimate, I don’t mean physically. I mean to have a deeper understanding of someone because knowledge compounds interest. Sometimes people aren’t satisfied with just knowing a little bit they want more. Take for instance when someone wants to know a juicy piece of gossip. They aren’t satisfied with just a hint. They want the whole download on the drama. The goal here is to develop a deep personality. Remember, experiences create deeper personalities and deeper friendships. If you want a deeper relationship with someone go out and do something. Go explore a new part of town you have never been too like a park, shopping mall, or lake. In this blog series I will tell you about the 5W’s of conversation: Who, what, where, when, & why. We will talk about public speaking hacks like facilitation. Information gathering techniques used by the FBI and other major crime fighting guru’s.
When I used to work at a logistics firm, I met a manager named Yusuf, whom I judged by his appearance initially. Once I got to know his personality, he surprised me. He could quote just about any verse from the bible word for word. He also knew a lot about horticulture and herbal remedies. From that point on, I was interested to learn more about him. He became a great mentor to me. He taught me how to approach women, how to do save money living on my own, and how to control my mind to reduce social anxiety.
Here is what predictable (aka boring) people do:
- The same thing everyday
- Create drama for attention
- Perform almost every action with theatrics
Interesting people carry an air of mystery and walk with subtly. For some individuals, one day you hate them and the next day you like them and don’t know why. Yes, being interesting is fun. Being wanted is exciting. Not knowing what you are going to get into every weekend is the bee’s knees. Thanks to the increase of time spent on computers, the finesse of a socialite and master communicator are more noticeable. It is also easier to subjugate minds that are constantly trapped in cyberspace. I pass by people at work and they ask me how I’m doing I say fine, even though I’m skeptical of whether they really care. Then, I ask how they are doing and they just keep walking. Or I see people and say hello and they say fine how are you, don’t even look up from their phone because they are so engrossed in what they are doing. They are stuck in their own routines. Given this, It is hard to make new friends and bid for people’s time. Time is a commodity. Most people tend to already have a set friend circle and routine making it hard to slide your way into their lives. This is why I will get into the importance of marketing yourself for friendship, relationships, business partnerships and more.
Awkward is one of the most used words in today’s pop culture. From 2012- mid 2015, Almost 10% of the terms searched on Google contained the word awkward in it whether it was the Awkward MTV comedy show, awkward family photos, or awkward moments. This word is used to define any uncomfortable social interaction. Whatever the case, we live in the most awkward era to date. Awkwardness is caused by lack of social graces, familiarity, and awareness. We will improve on developing these positive features to ward against this behavior.
I want you to know that it is okay to be weird, special, or strange. Why be boring? Boring is normalcy, routine, complacent. Everyone is weird, some people are just better at hiding it. I will teach you how to embrace your unique weirdness and display it as an asset. I’ll teach you how to be special but not “special”.
Exercise #1 – Create an alias
This is a fun way to practice getting out of your shell. Be creative with it. It’s got to be unique. If your real name is already unique then think of a simple alias. Use this name when going out to restaurants, bars, or other public places where you will have to use your name.